


again and again

by aesphantasmal



Series: the magnus archives au [3]
Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Death, Other, TMA AU, entities will look at juno steel and go grabby hands, hello jon. apologies for the deception but i, illness mention, insect mention, mentions of police brutality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:13:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25159066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aesphantasmal/pseuds/aesphantasmal
Summary: Juno Steel does not know about the Fears. But they know about him.
Relationships: (mentioned) - Relationship, Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Series: the magnus archives au [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1755451
Comments: 18
Kudos: 52





	again and again

**Author's Note:**

> yes. i know its pretentious

Rot, mould,  _ infection, _ these are interesting things. It is easy to scrape the mould off a food's surface and say it is safe to eat. Juno did that many times as a child. Of course, just because you’ve removed the symptoms of the sickness does not mean the cause is not still there. Juno was ill far more than he should have been, faced with the choice between potentially getting ill and having nothing to eat. Still, he kept trying. Most food in Oldtown was past its shelf life or kept in unsuitable conditions, leaving people to dig through store shelves to find anything worth eating, or rely on pre-packaged long life food. Juno remembered one time, when he and Benzaiten were young, a basket of decent quality synth vegetables was delivered to each Oldtown family with children as part of some philanthropic gesture by some trillionaire. They ate them, and then they were gone, one tiny chip in the visible rot of Oldtown. But then, even when Juno escaped, proud that he had apparently pulled himself free of the infection, he saw the same corruption everywhere in Hyperion. (It was said that if you shoved your hand into the flowerbeds in front of town hall, they’d emerge crawling with insects.) Years later, as he sat trapped in a small transport headed for a mythical city with Pilot Pereya, he noticed a hint of green and grey coming from their veins, from their eyes, from their mouth.

* * *

There's a glint in the eyes of some of the HCPD cops. Juno knows what it means. So does everyone else, but they're much more willing to avert their eyes and talk about what "great guys" they are. Juno got beaten up more than a few times for "getting in their way", and gritted his teeth and ignored the voice in his head that urged him to pursue suspects just that little bit further. After he was kicked out of the HCPD and became a PI, he found himself following that impulse more and more. He knew some of it was just the nature of the job — much easier to keep chasing the same lead when that's exactly what you're being paid to do. But he also knew there was a risk there, that if he let himself give in to the thrill of the chase and forget what he was here for even for a second, there may be no turning back. Still, sometimes, he felt that adrenaline running in his veins, telling him to chase every lead, to never settle for an unsatisfying answer. He bit it back, but every person slips up eventually, and the Hunt can keep chasing for as long as it needs to.

* * *

If anything, The Lightless Flame considers Juno Steel a game of sorts, in a way not unlike how a person burning a singular ant with a magnifying glass may consider that a game. Sarah Steel considered him to be more a catalyst, the thing that led her down her destructive path. Sarah Steel died in prison, years after setting her house alight after shooting her son, but she burned herself out before then, as soon as she realised what she'd done. She didn't even try to escape from her jail cell. But the Lightless Flame was unconcerned with her. They still killed her — eventually, when it became clear she was of no more use, she was found burned and mangled in her cell. The prison covered up her death like clockwork, and Juno barely responded to the news that she had died of natural causes. He was too busy chasing down leads when a witness suddenly went missing, tracking down papers only to discover them burnt to ash, finding crime scenes scorched clean of any useful evidence. By the time he left the HCPD (and the ICU for the severe burns) the Desolation had had its fun with him, for now. There is only so much pain and misery that can be extracted from one person, and he couldn't sink much lower. The Lightless Flame kept him in mind, though. Even those who have lost everything can, after a while, build themselves back up. And then they can lose everything again, and it hurts so much more the second time.

* * *

Juno Steel always asked too many questions. Questions even he didn't want to know the answer to. That was probably the problem with the Kanagawa case. He didn't really want to know how the contents of Croesus' head had ended up decorating his creepy death room, mostly because there wasn't a  _ good  _ answer, one that wouldn't make him feel like crap or end with him gutted on a gameshow or in an alley. But still, some part of himself needed to know. So he went. He wasn't sure he wanted to look too deeply into Rex Glass either — he'd probably sleep easier if he had no idea the handsome man even had any ulterior motive, but once he had latched onto the thought, he couldn't let it go, no matter what the day threw at him. Of course, sometimes it was the knowing that was the real struggle. Knowing the thefts of Martian artefacts were connected, but not being able to prove it. Knowing Engstrom was cheating, but not being able to prove it. Sometimes the knowledge came at convenient moments. Sometimes, it simply let him know what every random stranger on the street thought of him as he jumped out of bed after a 2pm depression nap. Sometimes, it didn't let him know anything at all. He didn't know if he could trust Nureyev. He didn't know Miasma was going to intercept them. And ultimately, perhaps, it was a plan doomed to fail. The Beholding watches. Juno Steel  _ acts _ .

* * *

The One Alone is perhaps unique in that so many of its victims seem to choose it. It is difficult to convince someone that they are better off lying ill in bed, or floating untethered in the expanse of space, or buried under miles of sand or soil. However, given the right push, many people will convince themselves they are better off alone. Juno Steel barely even needed the push. Sarah Steel had been telling him from the age of four that everyone would be better off without him, and enough things had happened in his life to reinforce such a belief. He almost fell after Benzaiten's death, but eventually the job he told himself he had to do to protect the city brought connection, as much as Juno tried to reject it. So, the Lonely simply intended to wait; eventually, he would push everyone away, keeping all contact at a safe distance, and then he would be easy to utilize for its own ends. The secretary was a constant annoyance. The thief was almost a threat, but Juno's inability to pursue happiness won out, and the mists surrounded him again.

* * *

Terminus does not need to watch Juno Steel.

Nobody lives forever, not the living wax of the Lightless Flame or the plastic of I Do Not Know You or the acolytes of The Falling Titan, following what they believe to be endless, or those who seek to use the bodies of others as vessels for their survival. And Juno Steel — well, he didn't exactly have the will to survive that they did. He flung himself into The End's arms again and again, to protect or to seek justice or whatever else a lady might tell himself so he can get a precious hour of sleep each night. Were Terminus a more selfish power, more focused on instant gratification, some part of it would have consumed Juno years ago, back when death still scared him. But Terminus can wait. That is, after all, what it does.

* * *

“What am I, then?”

Buddy Aurinko raised an eyebrow. “I’m not sure I understand.”

“The Eye likes Rita. Ransom works for the Stranger. And I’m not going to dig too deep into all of your personal business, but I’m guessing it’s a similar deal with Vespa and the big guy. So, if something like that’s going on with me, I’d just like to know what I’ve dragged myself into.”

“It’s… a little more complicated, in your case.”

“It’s not like I have anywhere I need to be.”

**Author's Note:**

> if u comment i will kiss you unless you dont want that in which case i will hug u unless u dont want that in which case i will nod at you from a respectful distance


End file.
